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Dave and the Giant Pickle (transcript)

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Dave 1998 cover

Bob: Okay, Larry, it's time for the theme song.

Larry: Uh, yeah, Bob. What do I do?

Bob: Hmm... Let's see. I know. You play the guitar.

Larry: Bob, I don't have any hands.

Bob: Oh, you're right. Well, okay, you play this.

Larry: I don't want to play that! I'll look silly!

Bob: Oh, come on. It'll be fun.

Larry: Nope. Not going to do it.

Bob: It's for the kids.

Larry: Oh. Okay. But they better not laugh.

Bob: All right! Better get on out there. If you like to talk to tomatoes, If a squash can make you smile, If you like to waltz with potatoes, Up and down the produce aisle... Have we got a show for you!

All: VeggieTales, VeggieTales, VeggieTales, VeggieTales. VeggieTales, VeggieTales, VeggieTales, VeggieTales.

Bob: Broccoli, celery, gotta be...

All: VeggieTales!

Junior: Lima beans, collard greens, peachy keen...

All: VeggieTales!

Larry: Cauliflower, sweet and sour, half an hour...

All: VeggieTales! There's never ever-ever-ever-ever been a show like VeggieTales! There's never ever-ever-ever-ever been a show like VeggieTales! It's time for VeggieTales!

(Vegetables laughing)

(The show opens on the countertop. The camera pans past some cardboard cut-outs of buildings.)

Larry-Boy: (voice over) Danger lurks in the big city. Disaster waits in every dark alley. Peril behind every park bench. The world needs a hero! But not just an ordinary hero. No! A special hero! A super hero!

(The camera stops on Larry wearing his Larry-Boy costume for the first time. A spotlight is shining on him.)

Larry-Boy: I...am...that...hero! They call me... Larry-Boy!

(A backdrop lands behind Larry-Boy. It has purple and yellow stripes. The stripes are in Larry-Boy's shape.)

Larry-Boy: Wherever there is trouble, I'll be there! Whenever a hopeless vegetable calls out, I will answer! Evildoers beware! You are no match for the awesome power of Larry-Boy in his... Super-suction ears!

(Larry-Boy shakes his head.)

Larry-Boy: You doubt? A demonstation.

(He shakes his head again, hops towards a nearby cut-out, jumps and sticks onto the cut-out. He tries to get himself unstuck but with no luck. Suddenly, the lights turn on and Bob appears.)

Bob: Um... Hi, kids. I'm Bob the Tomato...

(He notices Larry-Boy.)

Bob: ...and I think that's Larry the Cucumber.

Larry-Boy: I'm Larry-Boy! Who are you?

Bob: Larry, it's me. Bob.

Larry-Boy: Bob? Bob? I know no Bob. Say there, citizen, would you give me a hand with my super-suction ear? It seems to have malfunctioned.

Bob: Uh... Okay. What do I do?

Larry-Boy: Well, it's just that I'm afraid it's about to let...

(Larry-Boy's super-suction finally unsticks from the cut-out, causing Larry-Boy to land on the ground.)

Larry-Boy: ...go. Ouch.

Bob: Wow. I didn't know being a superhero could be so painful. Maybe you should just go back to being plain old Larry.

Larry-Boy: But I don't wanna be plain old Larry anymore.

Bob: Why not?

Larry-Boy: Well, there's nothing special about plain old Larry. He can't do anything neat like fly or save people or anything. He's just plain old boring.

Bob: Oh. Not feeling very special, huh?

Larry-Boy: Nope.

Bob: Hmm... Hey, I know!

Larry-Boy: What?

Bob: I could...

(Bob accidentally gets his nose suck onto Larry-Boy's super-suction ear.)

Bob: Ow! My...

Larry-Boy: Oh.

Bob: Larry! My no!

Larry-Boy: Sorry.

Bob: You got my!

Larry-Boy: Got your nose, Bob.

(Bob tries to pull himself free.)

Bob: Eeeee!

Larry-Boy: Bob?

Bob: Eeeeeee! Eeeeeee!

Larry-Boy: Pull back! Pull back, Bob!

(Bob stops pulling for amoment.)

Bob: (Panting) Um... Well, what I was going to say is that we...

Larry-Boy: Ah-ah-ah-ah-ah-ah... Ah-choo!

(Larry-Boy's sneeze propels himself away from Bob's nose.)

Bob: Ow! That smarts!

Larry-Boy: Hey, look! I'm a Larry-go-round.

Bob: (Laughs) As I was saying, we just got a letter from Myra Eggleston of Youngstown, Pennsylvania. Now, Myra has a lot of brothers and sisters and they're all bigger than she is. She says that they can do really neat things like play soccer and dance ballet...but Myra's too little. So, Myra wants to know what's special about her?

Larry-Boy: Oh, Myra. I know how you feel.

Bob: Well, Myra and Larry, I'm gonna tell you a story about a boy named Dave.

(The story of "Dave and the Giant Pickle" begins. The story begins in the desert where we see three shepherds with the sheep.)

Bob: (voice over) Now, Dave lived in a land called Israel, a long, long time ago. So long ago, that there weren't any cars or telephones or vacuum cleaners or anything. There more mostly just...sheep. Especially around Dave's house because Dave was a shepherd.

(The camera pans past Jimmy Gourd...)

Bob: (voice over) No-no. That's not him. That's one of his brothers.

(...then Jerry Gourd...)

Bob: (voice over) Nope. Another brother.

(...then Tom Grape...)

Bob: (voice over) Uh... Nope. Another brother. Dave had a lot of brothers.

(...and finally stops on a sheep.)

Bob: (voice over) Aha! There he is! No. Not the sheep. He's behind the sheep. Uh... Shoo there, Fluffy.

(bleats)

(The sheep hops away, revealing Dave.)

Dave: Hi. I'm Dave. I have a lot of brothers.

Bob: (voice over) Yep. Seven, to be exact. Now, Dave and his brothers spent most of their time in the fields taking care of their sheep which could be hard work because their sheep had an unusual problem.

Dave: They tip over.

(As is on cue, a sheep falls next to Dave.)

Dave: Oh, look. There goes one now.

(Dave struggles to get the sheep upright.)

Bob: (voice over) But Dave had an even bigger problem. You see, of all the brothers, he was the smallest.

Dave: That's right. Everybody's bigger than I am.

Bob: (voice over) And sometimes, his big brothers would pick on him.

(Another sheep tips over.)

Jimmy: Oh, Dave. One of my sheep fell over. Would you come pick it up for me?

Dave: I'm kinda busy right now.

Jimmy: Do you remember the time we dipped you in tar and stuck you to the backside of an angry water buffalo?

Dave: I'll be right there!

(Yet another sheep tips over.)

Tom: Hey, Dave! One of my sheep fell, too!

Dave: Just a minute!

(Jerry gently knocks down a row of sheep.)

Jerry: Oh, look. All of my sheep fell over. Dave!

(Dave finally gets his sheep back on his hooves. He then goes to get an another sheep upright.)

Jimmy: Oh, Dave. After you pick up our sheep, could you run and get me a bite to eat? I'm famished.

Jerry: Oh, yeah! Me too! Get me something, too!

Jimmy: You know, sometimes, I could eat a whole camel!

Jerry: Oh, yeah? Well, sometimes, I think I could eat a whole spaceship.

Jimmy: Uh... What's a spaceship?

Jerry: I have no idea.

Bob: (voice over) That's how things had pretty much always been for Dave. Nothing really exciting happened around there... until one day, when their dad, Jesse, came running out with some horrible news.

(Pa runs in and skids to a halt, knocking over a whole line of sheep.)

Pa Grape: Whoa! Uh, Dave, could you pick those up?

(Dave grimices.)

Pa Grape: (Panicing) Oh! Oh, boys! Ooo! Oh, boys! I've got--I've got horrible news! The Philli... The Ph... The-the... The Phillistines are, uh... Ah, uh... Ah, the... They're a... ttackng!

(Jimmy, Jerry and Tom are a little confused.)

Jimmy: The lima beans are, uh...lacking?

Jerry: The nectarines are...quacking?

Jimmy: One more time please and...let's work on our annunciation.

Pa Grape: The Phillistines are attacking!

(Everyone panics.)

Jimmy, Jerry and Tom: Aaaaaahhhhh! Aaaaaahhhhh!

Pa Grape: Aaaahhhh! Ayayayayayayaya!

(The scene cuts back to the countertop. Larry-Boy is lying back on a pillow, for some reason.)

Larry-Boy: Uh, Bob? What are the Phillippines?

Bob: The Phillippines are a group of islands off the coast of South East Asia. But that's not importaint now. The Phillistines were people who hated Israel. They wanted to take Israel's land and make the Israelites their slaves so they'd have to do what the Phillistines told them to do.

Larry-Boy: Oh. That's bad.

Bob: You're right. So the Israelites needed to protect themselves.

(Cut back to the story.)

Tom: We need to protect ourselves! But how?!

Pa Grape: King Saul is putting together an army to stop the Phillistines! He needs your help! You must help save Israel!

Dave, Jimmy, Jerry and Tom: We must help save Israel! We must help save Israel! We must help save Israel!

Pa Grape: Hey, hey, hey, hey! Dave! Where do you think you're going?

Dave: I must help save Israel!

(Jimmy, Jerry and Tom laugh at Dave.)

Pa Grape: It's very nice that you want to help but saving a country is a big thing. You're a little guy. Big peaple do big things and little people do little things. So... stay with the sheep.

Dave: But...

(Pa, Jimmy, Tom and Jerry hop away, leaving Dave in sorrow.)

Dave: (Singing) They're big... I'm little...

They go... I twiddle...

Why can't little guys do big things too?

(Fade to King Saul's camp.)

Bob (narraton):By the time Dave's brothers arrived at King Sauls camp,battle lines had been drawn between the Phillisitnes and Isrealites and as the custom in their day the armies would line up and yell at each other.

  • camera turns to the Phillistines camp with Phillistine peas who have French accents.

Jean Claude: Hello Isrealites You are pigs! And soon we will put apples in your mouth and stick you in our toaster ovens. Hahahahaha.

Christophe: Aw yes and after we defeat you you will be our slaves and have to fetch us our slippers.

Jean Claude: Yes, and iron our trousers.

Christophe: Haha and wipe our little noses.

Jean Claude: Yes, and scratch the spots on our backs that we can not reach no matter how hard we try, haha.

  • camera cuts back to the Isreallites who are speechless and look at each other.
  • camera cuts back to Jean Claude.

Jean Claude: Don't you have anything to say?

  • camera goes back to the Isreallites.

Jimmy: Um, do you guys have any fried chicken. I got a real hankering for fried chicken.

Jerry: Yeah me too.

  • camera goes back to Jean Claude then will pan by the Isreallites when Jean Cluade makes his offer.

Jean Claude: (whispering to Christophe) This is going to be easier than we thought.

Jean Claude: (talking normal now) You know, I think we can save us a lot of time. How about you get your strongest man and we get our strongest man, and they will fight. If our champion beats your champion you will be our slaves. But if your champion beats our champion, we will be your slaves. What do you think about that?

Bob (narrator): Well, the Isreallites we're getting kind of tired of the yelling, and the Phillistines seem to be a little on the small side, so King Saul agreed.

King Saul (Archibald): That seems like a reasonable idea. Alright we agree, send out your champion.

Jean Claude and Christophe: Hey Goliath!

  • camera turns to King Saul who looks at his cup which vibrates (a reference in Jurassic Park) and he and the Isreallites look frightened at Goliath's appearance which makes King Saul faint.
  • camera fades to black for the silly song.

Pa Grape (narrating): We'll be right back with more "Dave and the Giant Pickle" after this break.

  • title card fades in for the silly song.

Anonymous British narrator: And now it's time for silly songs with Larry, the part of the show where Larry comes out and sings a silly song.

  • camera fades to the countertop with a psychiatrist set with Larry, who is not in his Larry-Boy costume, who is lying on a couch and Archibald in his red tie and notebook and pen and the music playing.

Anonymous British narrator: One day while talking to Dr. Archibald, Larry confronts with his deepest fears.

Larry: If my lips ever left my mouth, packed a bag and headed south, that'd be too bad, I'd be so sad.

Archibald: I see, that's be too bad you'd be so sad?

Larry: That'd be too bad.

Archibald: Alrighty.

Larry: If my lips said "adios, I don't like you I think you're gross", that'd be too bad, I might get mad.

Archibald: Hmm, that'd be too bad you might get mad?

Larry: That'd be too bad.

Archibald: Fasinating.

Larry: If my lips moved to Duluth, left a mess and took my tooth that'd be tot bad, I'd call my dad.

Archibald: Oh dear, that'd be too bad you'd call your dad?

Larrry: That'd be too bad.

Archibald: Hold it! Did you say your father? Fasinatic, so what you're saying is if your lips left you...?

Larry: That'd be too bad, I'd be so sad, I might get mad, I'd call my dad, that'd be too bad.

Archibald: That'd be too bad?

Larry: That'd be too bad.

Archibald: Why?

Larry: 'Cause I love my lips.

(larry begins to jump and down and scat with his lips)

Archibald: Oh my! This is more serious than I though. Larry, what do you see here?

  • Archibald pulls out a Rorschach card.

Larry: Um, that one looks like a lip.

  • Archibald pulls out another card.

Archibald: What about this?

Larry: It's a lip.

  • Archibald pulls out another card.

Archibald: And this?

  • Archibald pulls out other cards that don't look like lips but Larry keeps calling them lips.

Larry: It's a lip, It's a lip, It's a lip it's a lip, it's a lip...Lips lip lip lip.

  • Archibald continous to go back to talking to Larry

Archibald: Larry, tell me about our childhood.

  • Larry hops back on the couch and Archibald goes back to taking notes.

Larry: When I was just two years old, I left my lips out in the cold and they turned blue. What could I do?

Archibald: Oh dear, they turned blue what could you do?

Larry: Oh they turned blue.

Archibald: I see.

Larry: On the day I got my tooth I had to kiss my great aunt Rooth, she had a beard, and it felt weird.

Archibald: My my, she had a beard and it felt weird?

Larry: She had a beard.

Archibald: Oh!

Larry: 10 days after I turned I eight, got my lips got my lips stuck in a gate my friends all laughed. And I just stood there and had to wait for the fire department to brak the lock with a crowbar and spend six weeks and live with this kid named Oscar who got stung by bee right on the lips and we couldn't to each other until the fifth week because both our lips were so swolen and he did start speaking he just spoke Polish and I only knew three words except now, I now four because Oscar told me the word for lips...Ousta!

Archibald: Your friends all laughed, ousta. How do you spell that?

Larry: I don't know.

Archibald: So what you're saying is that when you were young..?

Larry: They turned bluw what could I do, she had a beard and it felt weird, my freinds all laughed...Ousta!

Archibald: I'm confused.

Larry: I love my lips!

  • Larry begins to scat agian and bounce all over the place and Archibald tries to get him to stop.
  • The title card for the silly song fades in to end the silly song.

Annonymous British narrator: This has been silly songs with Larry, tune in next time to hear Larry sing...

Larry: Have I ever told you how I feel about my nose?

Archibald: Oh look at the time.

  • Larry begins to scat again and the silly song ends.

Pa Grape: (voice over) And now, back to "Dave and the Giant Pickle".

  • the story fades back in to where Goliath and the Philistines face the Isrealites.

Goliath: Who will I fight?

Bob (narration): The Israelites are so terrified of Goliath that they all ran away and hid.

Goliath: Nobody will fight. I'll come back tomorrow.

Bob (narration): And that's exactly what he did. Goliath back the next day, and the next day, and the next day for 40 days, but everytime he showed up, all the Israelites ran away and hid. Finally, Jesse started to worry about his boys, so he sent little Dave to the battlefield with some food. When Dave got to King Saul's camp, just about the time Goliath was going to come up, and all the Israelites were hiding.

Dave: Hello? Is anybody here.

Jimmy: Shhh! He'll hear you.

Dave: Who.

Jimmy: Him, that big pickle over there.

Goliath: Who will fight me.

Dave: Well, who's going to fight him.

Jimmy: What are you nuts, he'd have us for lunch. Speaking of which, what'd you bring us.

Dave: Here you go.

Jerry: Hmm, pizza.

Jimmy: Oh, cheese in the crust. That's tremendous.

Dave: Come on, guys. Have you forgotten, we're the children of God.

Larry-Boy: The what?

Bob: The children of God. The bible said that the Israelites were God's chosen people. God led them through the dessert, he helped them walk across the red sea and whatever they went into battle, God was there with him. They've always known that if God was on their side, no one could stand against them.

Larry-Boy: Wow? 

Bob: But King Saul and his men were so scared of big tall Goliath, they forgot that God was even bigger.

Larry-Boy: Oh dear.

Bob: Uh, Larry, you got something on your uh....

Larry-Boy: Huh.

Bob: Oh never mind. Once again, no one could answer Goliath's challenge.

Goliath: Uh. No one could fight. They told me that you were the children of God. You are cowards, I'll come back tomorrow.

Dave: I can't believe you're letting him say that. Somebody's gotta do something.

Jimmy: What are you gonna do, Dave. Remember, you're a little guy. Leave this big stuff up, big people. (gasps). You think he saw me.

Jerry: No, you're okay.

Jimmy: Whew.

Bob (narration): But Dave knew exactly what he had to do, so he went straight to King Saul and announced his plan.

Dave: I will fight Goliath?

King Saul: Pfffffffffttttttttt?

Bob (narration): King Saul took the news rather well.

King Saul: I'm sorry, my ears must be failing. I could have sworn I heard you say, you fight Goliath, but you didn't say that, did you.

Dave: Yes I did.

King Saul: Oh. I say, that's very kind but... Let's be reasonable. You are a tiny little fellow but Goliath he, he's enormous! No no no, that's a job for a big person. Not a little boy like you. You're not going to sing are you. Couldn't you just play your harp and I'll throw things at you. Oh?

Dave: You're big. I'm little. My head only comes to your middle. But I say little guys can do big things too.

King Saul: Yes, but Goliath. He's.

Dave: He's big, but God's bigger. And when I think of him, that's when I figure. With his help little guys can do big things too.

King Saul: Oh I see what you're saying.

(clunk!)

King Saul: Oh dear.

Dave: You know I think maybe I should just be plain old me.

King Saul: Oh yes. Well, I suppose. But have you seen Goliath. Why he's, he's just, he's.

Dave: He's big, but God's bigger. And when I think of him, that's when I figure.

King Saul: With his help little guys can do big things.

Dave: With his help little guys can do big things.

Dave & King Saul: With his help little guys can do big things too.

King Saul: All right. If I show you, now that you're getting into. Oh dear.

Bob: (narration) Well, Dave wasn't exactly sure what he was getting into, but he knew God would be there with him, so he went down to a stream and found five smooth stones. Then he went back to the camp and waiting for Goliath.

Goliath: Who will fight me?

Dave: (off-screen) I will fight you, Goliath.

Jimmy: You know, if I didn't know better. I'd say that sounded like Dave.

Tom & Jerry: Oh yeah.

Tom: You know. If I didn't know better, I'd say I looked like Dave.

Jimmy & Jerry: Huh! Dave?

(thud)

Bob: (narration) Goliath was equally surprised.

Goliath: Who said that.

Dave: I did.

Goliath: Huh.

(Camera pans over to Dave)

Goliath: Woah ho ho! Am I a dog that you come at me with sticks.

(Phillistines laugh)

Dave: I do it exactly you know what you mean. But you are not a dog, you are a really big guy who wants to beat me up. And I come that you are now with sticks, cause in the name of the God of Israel with this day should help me defeat you.

Goliath: We receive who get me too. Now we fight.

Jean Claude: It's showtime.

(Phillistines cheering)

(music playing)

(bonk)

(Whoosh)

Israelites: Yeah.

Bob: (narration) The Israelites were so scared of Dave that they all ran away and hid and Israel was saved.

Israelites: Yeah.

Bob: (narration) And that's the story of Dave, a really little guy who did a really big thing.

(sheep bleating)

(thud)

Bob: Well, what do you think of a story.

Larry-Boy: Oh my goodness. That was amazing. It was just a teeny little guy, who need Goliath was the biggest, strongest God they ever seen. Oh my. I laughed, I cried. It moved me, Bob.

Bob: Well, good. It's time to talk about. (whispering) It's time to talk about what we've learned today.

Larry-Boy: Uh, Bob, why are you whispering.

Bob: (whispering) Because whenever I say that, that song plays.

Larry-Boy: What song, Bob.

Bob: You know, the "What Have We Learned" song.

Larry-Boy: Oh, you mean that song that everytime I play, and it's time to talk about what we've learned today.

Qwerty: And so what we have learned applies to our lives and God has a lot to say in His book.

Bob: Yep, that's the one.

Larry-Boy: Kinda catchy, isn't it.

(Bob gasp)

Qwerty: You see, we know that God's word is for everyone and now that our song is done, we'll take a look.

Bob: Now in our story, no one thought David could do anything important. After all, it was just a little guy. Why even King Saul tried to change David by putting his own armor on him. It kinda remembers more of another guy who thought he had to put on a costume to be special.

Larry-Boy: Yeah.

Bob: But David loved God, but you know even though he was small, God could help him do big things.

Larry-Boy: I'll say, he took on that old Goliath, while all the other guy were too scared to try.

Bob: But that's not all, Larry. David went on to be the king of all Israel.

Larry-Boy: Wow! That's very good for a little guy.

Bob: That's pretty good for any guy.

Larry-Boy: Yeah. Well, if God could help David do big things even though he was little, then I sure don't need to dress up like a superhero to be special.

Bob: Nope. Larry, you're special just the way you are.

Larry-Boy: Aw, thanks, Bob.

Bob: Hey, let's see if Qwerty has a verse for us.

Larry-Boy: Okay.

Bob: Qwerty, do you have a verse for us. "With God, all things are possible". Matthew 19:26.

Larry-Boy: Oh great. Cause, I always wanted to be a chicken, do you think God would turn me into a chicken?

Bob: Nah-uh, no, no, no, no, no, no. Now that's not what the verse means.

Larry-Boy: It's not?

Bob: No, it doesn't mean that we can just do whatever we wanna do. It means that anything that God wants us to do, we can do.

Larry-Boy: Oh.

Bob: You see, God wanted the Israelites to win that battle, but that meant that someone had to fight Goliath. Even though David was just a kid, he knew that if God wanted him to beat Goliath, he could do it. That showed just how much David trusted God, and that's why he became such a great king for Israel.

Larry-Boy: Wow. So, anything God wants me to do, I can do. That makes me feel pretty special.

Bob: And Myra, I hope that makes you feel pretty special too.

Larry-Boy: Uh. One more question, Bob.

Bob: What's that, Larry.

Larry-Boy: Um, does this mean I can't pretend I'm Larry-Boy anymore.

Bob: Larry, as long as you feel okay about plain old Larry, 'cause plain old Larry is very special. You can pretend to be whatever you want.

Larry-Boy: Oh great.

Bob: Well, we're out of time for today. Remember, God made you special and he loves you very much. Bye.

Larry-Boy: I'm just gonna hang out here for a while.

Bob: Oh, okay. (walks off)

(Larry whistles, causing the cardboard cut-outs to appear again)

Larry-Boy: The world needs a hero. I am that hero. They call me, Larry-Boy!! 

(Larry-Boy hops and then gets stuck on the camera. He asks Bob for help while the end credits roll)

Larry-Boy: Bob! Bob!!! Could you uh...could you give me a hand. Say there, citizen. Hey, hey, you were there. Look at me! Look at me! Look at me! Look at me! Bob! Oh dear.

(Larry-Boy's super suction unsticks from the camera, causing Larry-Boy to fall on the ground)

Larry-Boy: Ouch!

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